chocomarsho (chocomarsho) wrote in inside_myhead,

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Silent Lie

Sitting here I feel a great strain on my own heart. I feel like someone is clutching it tight in their grasp making me want to scream in pain.  I feel… so much. Can you describe in one word how you feel? Sad? That’s no longer a correct description of a feeling anymore. You can be sad you didn’t do well on a test, but you won’t cry. You can be sad you and your boyfriend broke up, but you could be fine. But, each pain of sadness has a distinct feeling and mine feels like something clutching onto my heart. There is someone screaming in my head to let myself burry my head and cry. To let all my anguish out at once so that I will stop feeling like shit. Do I want this feeling to end? Let’s face it, even if I were to somehow fix it, it would happen again. The same situations, the same causes, the same angry faces. I wish sometimes I could go one by one and tell everyone I was sorry, but that’s only now that I look back on the situations. Though I am nearly positive at the time I did not need to say anything of the sort because they were all bastards and I wasn’t helping but I was not going to say sorry to those who only accept fake shits. I’m sick of so much that when someone asks me to tell them what’s wrong I pour my heart out in nonsensical blurbs. Once I let them out I feel better… for a minute. Then the feeling comes back. In the end, nothing will solve this. So behind this smile, will always be a silent lie.
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