just sort of blew up by the end of everything. alot of ridiculous fighting going on in the house. Its amazing, the family is together for a month and im the only one on decent terms with everyone. On top of that, the group of friends of the summer is different, times aint seeming the same or maybe its just me that has changed. Anyway, the summer was good, and all the bullshit that happens ends up being forgotten, and if this summer comes up in conversation only a few of the highlights are what i would remember. So just have to enjoy the good times, not get caught up in shit.
And for what ever reason im feeling guilty tonight, mostly crap as usual. I guess ill try accept it, learn from my mistakes, and just try keep being myself with those lessons learnt.
Im suppsose to start working on resubmitting my essay, got about over 2 weeks left to do it. But, i blew off a camping trip with my friend tomorrow in order to have a beach day and a night out in the town ive been in for the past couple of weeks. When i know i should be going, and im using the essay as an excuse, but i dont want to lie to myself, there is just butterflys in my stomach when i think of the camping trip. I really dont know. Well i guess the essay would be a reasonable conclusion, i dont know. Anyway i was suppose to start on it today, and did the usual thing of just doing little jobs instead of working, the typical, e.g "organizing notes" well barely that even,.. and cleaning my room, clothes etc. lol :) this is the typical path to studying. Inside i know that at one point i will sit my ass down and get down to it.... ive been rather dedicated to my studies now i think about it, and ive also finally decided to dedicated myself fulling now im entering my important year. less partying.. but im not sure if thats cause i truely want it, or if thats where people have put me? =/
anyway, enough rambling on, another load of my mind and i wonder if what i wrote above is even what i first had on my mind
I know i was worrying alot about my friends tonight... well.. i need to rest, especially my head. I really dont want to get caught up, so all im wanting is to not have pissed off my family and friends.. or have already pissed them off... as well as treating my family as well as i should.. which i know i dont:/... i will desperately try to keep the thought that i shouldn't beat my self up over these things as it doesn't resolve anything, and just take the reaction from my actions as they come and try stay true to myself and i know that i will do the right thing.